I was reading some post on a web site about Multiple Sclerosis and one entry caught my eye. A younger woman said that she was having trouble walking but one day she hoped to be able to wear high heels again. I laughed to myself as I thought about my recent closet cleaning. I gave all my heels to a friend at the gym who wore the same size. I carefully took each pair of shoes out of their box and tried them on and admired them in the mirror. In order to figure out if I truly needed to depart with them I did a walking test for each pair. If I could not make it across my bedroom without kicking the shoes off, falling, tripping, or any combination of all of the above, then they went in the donate bag. Not only did high heels go in this bag but a lot of sandals and mules and any type of shoe that I could not keep on my feet with my new walking style.
Those of you who know me well know that this was a major sacrifice in my mind AT THE TIME. I have always taken care of my shoes. They are in their original boxes and stacked in the closet by seasons, colors and dress or casual. I mean really, how many people do you know who can write a blog article about SHOES? I guess my priorities have changed, safety and stability are definitely ranked above style. I went to a funeral several weeks ago, so I chose the smallest black heel that I could find. About a ¾ inch heel seemed safe to me at the time. I was never so happy to get back to the safety of my car and take the shoes off. I really should have used the cane that day.
Ok so now to the point, yes there really was one buried beneath all my shoes! I started thinking about all the things that have changed because of my MS and did I really miss them.
· I miss playing basketball, but…………….. The last time I really played I feel down in the driveway, a fall that I am sure rated a 9 on the style scale. I really needed to retire because both of my boys could beat me.
· I miss being able to walk up or down the bleachers at sporting events to find a seat, but………………I can remember running the bleachers back in high school and I have probably been up and down more than my share so I will be satisfied to sit at whatever level is the easiest for me to access.
· I miss dancing and wanted to take a ballroom class, but…………………I would have had to drag my husband kicking and screaming so now I will just tell him that since he got out of that, he has to hold my hand during a “chick “flick.
· I miss walking the neighborhood and getting out and seeing everyone, but…………………..I am not wearing out my tennis shoes as fast now.
· I miss being able to pick up my nephew or hold a baby and walk. I have to sit if I am holding someone so I will not fall, but…………………I have wonderful memories of the many hours walking with my children while they were in my arms.
· I miss being able to walk out of the surf at the beach, but………………..I like to scuba dive but I never liked to really swim in the water because of what I could not see.
Most of all, I miss the time when my family did not have to worry about me. This I really do miss and would love to change. My husband is upset when I fall or trip because he can’t do anything about my MS. I also miss my children not being embarrassed about the way I walk or when I use the cane; the kids never say anything to me but it bothers them that people stare.
I would not change anything in my life, (that is a whole other story) I am just thankful to be here and still able to express my feelings.
Thank you for letting me share.